Sounds crazy but over the past few month I have had an eppifany of sorts. I have been going through the stay at home mom blues. That may sound funny.. but it sure wasn't. I was forced to become a stay at home mom when my babysitter gave us 2 days notice she would no longer be watching our kids. Finding daycare that fast was not possiable and I was making less then my other half.
Granted I had started the paperwork to get licensed for home daycare.. it was a back up plan. I was living for the high I got while busting up credit card fraud rings, starting a fraud scoring system, processing orders, talking to the banks and moving up in a good company. Then the company became employee owned.. in reality it was manager owned and less kid and family friendlily. Where before a daycare issue I was told it's okay stay home and get it under control and if you can process from home first go for it. Instead it was.. fix it now or quit.
The daycare thing.. well it was a bust.. I lost money. Looong story. Even doing the math though my staying home was cheaper then my going to work. So since then I have been trying to find ways to save money. Cooking from scratch, gardening, canning, freebies and surveys.. anything I can do.. But I didn't get that "I ROCK" Kinda feeling.. I felt stuck.. and like I wasn't really doing much.
Over the summer and the last few weeks I've figured out what was wrong. Way back when it was expected for a mom to take care of her family. This was stressed and everyone praised mom's for being.. well.. mom. It was rewarding and everyone was doing it.. It was the social norm.
It's no longer the social norm.. I have felt like I was letting my family down because I wasn't out making money. There were no performance reviews or raises because I did such a great job. No big "WAY TO GO" when I stopped an order that would have cost my company money...
Instead there was.. what's for dinner.. I'm hungry.. is my shirt washed.. I can't find my sunglasses... he hit me.. barfing and dog messes... These were not accomplishments.. I found negativity at every turn.. even though I didn't know my husband needed that shirt washed or even where it was, when he asked if it was washed I felt horrible that I hadn't washed it.. or that I didn't know where his sunglasses were or if I forgot to build the leggo house... or if I felt under the weather and made sandwiches.
These last few weeks I was really feeling the SAHM blues.. Until I started canning.. yes the medival torture method that brings sweaty face and burnt fingers :) I slowly started to see my closet fill up with food.. and I realized "I did that" no one else, I saved all that food.. even better I grew all that food. Then one afternoon my daughter started to help. She's 11 and we don't have a lot in common. At times I'm not sure even what to say.. because I'll get it wrong.. and we spent the day smiling talking and laughing together while canning pickles.
That day, those smiles and the big hug.. that was my pay raise. Watching my 5 year old son write his name.. that was an " I ROCK " moment. Seeing my younger daughter cut out things like gardens, flowers, and solar lights in an assignment to describe herself.. that was my review and I think I aced it.
I just needed to learn to see my accomplishments instead of my accomplishments being dependent on someone else noticing them. This isn't what we are taught in the work place.. but I'm going to try and pass it on to my kids. And I hope if there is another stay at home parent reading this it opens up their heart to see that they are amazing!
